IN THE MIND OF A COMIC ARTIST: PRACTICALLY I DON'T BUT LITERALLY I DO

Monday, May 23, 2011

PRACTICALLY I DON'T BUT LITERALLY I DO

It is all started with the idea of a headline 'Practically I don't but literally I do', but it took weeks for me to think of an idea of how to elaborate it into words & the relation is love. First of all, I can't think of a way how to begin my word so I begin it with honesty—in this first paragraph—literally a confession of my practical writing.

Friends had been asking me if I ever seriously involved in a love relationship. My answer is "I do!" & it's in the form of present tense so they should have known that I'm still in love. If they wonder "How long has it been?" so my answer will be "It has been more than 20 years—my first love at first sight. We were naturally in love during that every moment we'd been through; every song we heard, every move we made & every word we spoke is ours forever lives—even after we were apart."

I cannot lie to myself that when I'm in love with somebody else, means I'm in love with the first person I fell for. Every detail of how I fell in love with another person, at least the reason had been one or two quality I'd seen on my first.

A few friends advised me "Why look at the past when you can always see what's present?"

My answer would be & will be "We look at the past to value what's present. So when it comes to love I've experienced, it seems no less. You always want more than the less. So you'll know why I'm still in love with my first until now."

"But you can forgive & forget, right?"

"I can forgive but to forget, I don't think anyone can do that unless... (you know what I mean). So I was lucky when I was hit by amnesia back in 1997, I forgot almost all the details about my first & how it felt when we were in love, until I fell in love at first sight again with the second. The detail of how it felt has given back my old soul."

When you're amnesia, in a process of healing, every moment you're in or every person you've met, which or whom can unlock your old memories is consider a gift from heaven. Old friends who told story about your past are consider the angels of your life. So those who helps me to remember, directly or indirectly, will not be taken for granted & will always be in my remembrance—if I have the world today, they will be the first I celebrate.

But sadly, nobody is able to replace my first love. The feeling & the memory I had with such love, I doubt it can be taken by anybody else. I've tried to believe when I fell in love in such a way again with a different person—the second, maybe the quality is far better than the first. But silly of me to believe love is all about quality, no it's not, exactly it's about memory—the moment of remembrance.

In the end what's left of me is just someone who is literally in love but practically single. Is there hope for another chance with someone new? I believe it is not me to hope for any others as my mind still can clearly picture the first person instead of the second. Though my heart flourishes with love for the second in memory of the first. So what's it going to be? Am I really in love? The answer to the question will be...

"Practically I don't but literally... I do!"

So it seemed with this writing & anything else. Joy to the world!

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MIND OF A COMIC ARTIST

Have you ever thought that a comic artist's mind is much more deeper than anyone of you can ever imagine? This is what makes me complicated & that's why I want you to know me here. What do I have in mind? Something to share before I leave. But thoughts recorded here remain, till terminate... till death do us part.

[MINDA SEORANG ARTIS KOMIK
Pernahkah kau terfikir bahawa minda seorang artis komik begitu mendalam berbanding sesiapa yang kau terbayangkan? Inilah yang membuatkanku rumit & kerana itu aku mahu kau mengenaliku di sini. Apa yang ku fikirkan? Sesuatu untuk dikongsi sebelum aku pergi. Tetapi ingatan-ingatan yang terakam kekal di sini, sehingga padam... hingga maut memisahkan kita.]

SYMBIOTIC OF LOVE

'Being cute doesn't mean you're adorable, being handsome doesn't mean you're tough, being gorgeous doesn't mean you're attractive, being pretty doesn't mean you're sweet! Once again I want to remind you that I'm not taken by anyone physical beauty unless for flirt favor. But if I'm taken by the beauty of your heart, compared to your physical beauty, then I'm glad for the great package of you! Though love doesn't need a package to lure me... '

[SIMBIOTIK CINTA
Tampak genit tidak bermaksud kamu menarik, tampak tampan tidak bermaksud kamu gagah, tampak mengagumkan tidak bermaksud kamu memikat, tampak cantik tidak bermaksud kamu manis! Sekali lagi ku berpesan bahawa aku tidak mudah terpedaya dengan keindahan fizikal sesiapa kecuali atas alasan berpoya-poya. Tetapi jika aku terpikat dengan keindahan hatimu, berbanding keindahan fizikalmu, maka aku bersyukur dengan pakejmu yang hebat! Walaupun cinta tidak perlukan pakej untuk mengumpanku...]

PANDICULATION

There are those who claimed I have the charisma that can attract people to get into the crowd & listen to my words. Yes, I believe I do have such power... alhamdulillah. I can even make people fall in love with me desperately while I'm still walking gracefully towards my dream unassuaged by their sincerity. But this charisma is God's gift, I will not use it by force demand, only by fair request & I agree to fulfill.

[PANDIKULASI
Mereka bilang aku punya karisma yang bisa memikat manusia hadir berkelompok mendengar bicaraku. Ya, aku percaya aku punya kuasa itu... alhamdulillah. Malah aku bisa bikin manusia jatuh cinta padaku sesungguhnya sedang aku terus berjalan penuh gaya ke arah mimpiku, tidak terpujuk oleh ketulusan mereka. Namun karisma ini anugerah-Nya, tidak akan ku rela bila dipaksa, hanya dengan seadil permintaan & aku redha memenuhinya.]

ASPIRATION

You said "Maybe I'm not so lucky in love..." Truth is all those time when you're into someone, it was because of pleasure & admiration. Once you had it, you fell even deeper for the imperfect of perfection & you thought that's true love. Yet such love is breakable, turned you into despair for a pleasure of admiration & blinds your way to see your true love who is waiting in despair yet unbreakable...

[ASPIRASI
Kau berkata "Mungkin aku tidak bertuah dalam cinta..." Sebenarnya ketika kau taksub kepadanya, adalah kerana kesenangan & kekaguman. Bila sudah memiliki, kau merasa yang terdalam dengan ketidaksempurnaan yang sempurna & kau sangka itu cinta sejati. Namun cinta itu amat rapuh, menjadikan kau kecewa pada kesenangan mengagumi & membutakan jalanmu melihat cinta sejati yang sedang menanti dalam kecewa tidak terapuhkan...]

BURLESQUE

"3x I've made love confession & none replied that they love me too, still they stick on me like lovers. But I never stuck on them when being unanswered didn't develop my motivation, though funny how they got miserable for that. More than 3x I heard love confession from others & none I replied, but they stuck on me until they got miserable!"

[BURLA
"3x aku mengaku cinta & tiada seorang pun mengaku yang sama, namun tetap mereka terikat denganku bagaikan kekasih. Namun aku leraikan ikatan itu bila perakuan tanpa sambutan tidak membina motivasiku, walaupun kelakar melihat mereka porak-peranda kerana itu. Lebih daripada 3x aku mendengar perakuan cinta mereka namun tiada satu pun aku sambut, tetapi mereka terus terikat padaku sehingga porak-peranda!"]

INTENTION

"Let me put it this way... you're not God whom I verbally confess my love & I don't expect to get verbal reply, yet my heart still believe I'm loved without doubt cause God don't hate. So if I verbally confess my love to you, don't expect me to believe you love me too if you're not verbally reply me because I couldn't compare you with God!"

[NIAT
"Beginilah... kau bukan Tuhan yang bisaku perakui cintaku secara lisan tanpa mengharap balasan yang sama, namun hatiku masih percaya aku dicintai sesungguhnya kerana Tuhan tidak membenci. Maka jika aku mengaku cinta kepadamu secara lisan, jangan harap aku bisa percaya kau mencintaiku juga tanpa jawapan lisanmu kerana aku tidak tega membandingkanmu dengan Tuhan!"]

SIREN

"I only want to be happy with what I do & if you're not happy with it please help yourself & get out! As far as I know you need help & I need to do my work, so what's it gonna be? Try to ruin my life just because you're not happy with how good my life is not an option to make yourself happy, I promise you'll be worse! Think of spider, ant & bee; I may look easy to be crushed but please doubt the fragility."

[SIREN
Aku hanya ingin bahagia dengan apa yang ku lakukan & jika kau tidak bahagia kerana itu, maka sila bantu dirimu sendiri & keluar! Setahu aku, kau perlukan bantuan & aku perlu laksanakan tugasku, jadi apa kesimpulannya? Cuba menghancurkan hidupku hanya kerana kau tidak bahagia dengan caraku bukan caramu untuk bahagia, percayalah kau pasti merana! Fikirkan lelabah, semut & lebah; aku mungkin kelihatan senang dipijak namun sila ragui kerapuhan itu."]

REGIME

"I recall that a common piece of advice was to restrain oneself from excessive knowledge. Knowledge leads to unhappiness & makes people permanently dissatisfied. I eventually came to realize that the origin of such poisonous belief was some people's desire to have others fall into their power."

"Saya teringat pada satu nasihat yang menahan seseorang daripada ilmu yang berlebihan. Ilmu membawa kepada kesedihan & membuat orang tidak berpuas hati selamanya. Saya akhirnya menyedari bahawa asal-usul kepercayaan beracun itu adalah keinginan sesetengah orang untuk melihat orang lain jatuh ke dalam kuasa mereka."

— Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy)

IN THE MIND OF A COMIC ARTIST

Monday, May 23, 2011

PRACTICALLY I DON'T BUT LITERALLY I DO

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