IN THE MIND OF A COMIC ARTIST: The genesis of Edward Cullen in 'Cinta Tunggal'

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The genesis of Edward Cullen in 'Cinta Tunggal'

Lets just say Edward Cullen is just a fiction in the book of 'Twilight', a handsome vampire that act awkwardly when fall in love. But such personality of Edward Cullen is not fiction... they really exist & one of them did fell in love with me... happened to be the first man I ever fell in love with...

Hi readers,

My name is Siti Aishah & as I wrote this letter to you, obviously I wrote this from inside my grave. I hope my son, Nizam will read this too & my former husband, Yan will read it too. But mostly, I hope the man who made me suffered in love during my lifetime will read this letter carefully (though I know how you suck in English! Not sure right now... but I know if you can speak Mandarin, no big deal for you to study English).

I was given a novel of 'Twilight' to spend my boring days in grave. As I read through the story line, I found out this Edward Cullen really had so much similarity when I first knew Nizam, my first love... the man I first fell in love at first sight & forever will be my love till the end of my life (proven!)... though I had to marry another guy just because he was so stupid & acted cold like Edward Cullen.

"So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I've never seen him act like that."

— Mike ('Twilight' the novel)

Funny, this part really did happened when I first knew Nizam. I mean not stabbed him with a pencil, but I did accidentally stabbed him with something? Was it a pencil?! I forgot... but when his eyes poked my heart with love at first sight, I was deadly confused! I was young and that love really staggered me good! So, I tried so hard to refuse a thought that he was in love with me too. So I turned to become cold toward him, but he never refused me. It took him a year to convince me that his life was all about me from the first time our eyes met... prove? It was in the letters he wrote to me, pasted in a diary I kept in a box in a cabinet at home.

So where's the Edward Cullen ideology about this man called Nizam? As we became wiser, he became threatened by my upgrading life, especially in education. Since then, he started to feel insecure when we were apart. That was when the wreckage began, where he kept missing away from my life and always in denial to convince me his love to me just because his life is so less fascinated than mine. All he did was placed me in a better place but I kept ran away from the safe place just to be with him. Until one day he said...

"Your place is not with me, I'm not good enough to be with you. I'm afraid one day bad guys will come after your beauty & I'm not there to protect you... go, be at your right place, the place I know you will always be safe!"

Isn't that Edward Cullen? Sadly, in the end he really got what he wished for. I'm at the safest place now... in my own grave. While he's up there, alive, pretends (guess not!) to happily married a lady I ordered him to marry. Did I ordered him? Forgot also...

We lovers... always act stupid just to be clever, aren't we? Look what happened. Ceh! Edward Cullen... such a beautiful disaster! But no matter what, he's forever the man of my life... till at my last breath on earth, he's always the man I'm truly in love without doubt, without convince, without smart... yet, were we meant for each other? Obviously, separately...

Sincerely from the dead
Allahyarhamha' Siti Aishah

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MIND OF A COMIC ARTIST

Have you ever thought that a comic artist's mind is much more deeper than anyone of you can ever imagine? This is what makes me complicated & that's why I want you to know me here. What do I have in mind? Something to share before I leave. But thoughts recorded here remain, till terminate... till death do us part.

[MINDA SEORANG ARTIS KOMIK
Pernahkah kau terfikir bahawa minda seorang artis komik begitu mendalam berbanding sesiapa yang kau terbayangkan? Inilah yang membuatkanku rumit & kerana itu aku mahu kau mengenaliku di sini. Apa yang ku fikirkan? Sesuatu untuk dikongsi sebelum aku pergi. Tetapi ingatan-ingatan yang terakam kekal di sini, sehingga padam... hingga maut memisahkan kita.]

SYMBIOTIC OF LOVE

'Being cute doesn't mean you're adorable, being handsome doesn't mean you're tough, being gorgeous doesn't mean you're attractive, being pretty doesn't mean you're sweet! Once again I want to remind you that I'm not taken by anyone physical beauty unless for flirt favor. But if I'm taken by the beauty of your heart, compared to your physical beauty, then I'm glad for the great package of you! Though love doesn't need a package to lure me... '

[SIMBIOTIK CINTA
Tampak genit tidak bermaksud kamu menarik, tampak tampan tidak bermaksud kamu gagah, tampak mengagumkan tidak bermaksud kamu memikat, tampak cantik tidak bermaksud kamu manis! Sekali lagi ku berpesan bahawa aku tidak mudah terpedaya dengan keindahan fizikal sesiapa kecuali atas alasan berpoya-poya. Tetapi jika aku terpikat dengan keindahan hatimu, berbanding keindahan fizikalmu, maka aku bersyukur dengan pakejmu yang hebat! Walaupun cinta tidak perlukan pakej untuk mengumpanku...]

PANDICULATION

There are those who claimed I have the charisma that can attract people to get into the crowd & listen to my words. Yes, I believe I do have such power... alhamdulillah. I can even make people fall in love with me desperately while I'm still walking gracefully towards my dream unassuaged by their sincerity. But this charisma is God's gift, I will not use it by force demand, only by fair request & I agree to fulfill.

[PANDIKULASI
Mereka bilang aku punya karisma yang bisa memikat manusia hadir berkelompok mendengar bicaraku. Ya, aku percaya aku punya kuasa itu... alhamdulillah. Malah aku bisa bikin manusia jatuh cinta padaku sesungguhnya sedang aku terus berjalan penuh gaya ke arah mimpiku, tidak terpujuk oleh ketulusan mereka. Namun karisma ini anugerah-Nya, tidak akan ku rela bila dipaksa, hanya dengan seadil permintaan & aku redha memenuhinya.]

ASPIRATION

You said "Maybe I'm not so lucky in love..." Truth is all those time when you're into someone, it was because of pleasure & admiration. Once you had it, you fell even deeper for the imperfect of perfection & you thought that's true love. Yet such love is breakable, turned you into despair for a pleasure of admiration & blinds your way to see your true love who is waiting in despair yet unbreakable...

[ASPIRASI
Kau berkata "Mungkin aku tidak bertuah dalam cinta..." Sebenarnya ketika kau taksub kepadanya, adalah kerana kesenangan & kekaguman. Bila sudah memiliki, kau merasa yang terdalam dengan ketidaksempurnaan yang sempurna & kau sangka itu cinta sejati. Namun cinta itu amat rapuh, menjadikan kau kecewa pada kesenangan mengagumi & membutakan jalanmu melihat cinta sejati yang sedang menanti dalam kecewa tidak terapuhkan...]

BURLESQUE

"3x I've made love confession & none replied that they love me too, still they stick on me like lovers. But I never stuck on them when being unanswered didn't develop my motivation, though funny how they got miserable for that. More than 3x I heard love confession from others & none I replied, but they stuck on me until they got miserable!"

[BURLA
"3x aku mengaku cinta & tiada seorang pun mengaku yang sama, namun tetap mereka terikat denganku bagaikan kekasih. Namun aku leraikan ikatan itu bila perakuan tanpa sambutan tidak membina motivasiku, walaupun kelakar melihat mereka porak-peranda kerana itu. Lebih daripada 3x aku mendengar perakuan cinta mereka namun tiada satu pun aku sambut, tetapi mereka terus terikat padaku sehingga porak-peranda!"]

INTENTION

"Let me put it this way... you're not God whom I verbally confess my love & I don't expect to get verbal reply, yet my heart still believe I'm loved without doubt cause God don't hate. So if I verbally confess my love to you, don't expect me to believe you love me too if you're not verbally reply me because I couldn't compare you with God!"

[NIAT
"Beginilah... kau bukan Tuhan yang bisaku perakui cintaku secara lisan tanpa mengharap balasan yang sama, namun hatiku masih percaya aku dicintai sesungguhnya kerana Tuhan tidak membenci. Maka jika aku mengaku cinta kepadamu secara lisan, jangan harap aku bisa percaya kau mencintaiku juga tanpa jawapan lisanmu kerana aku tidak tega membandingkanmu dengan Tuhan!"]

SIREN

"I only want to be happy with what I do & if you're not happy with it please help yourself & get out! As far as I know you need help & I need to do my work, so what's it gonna be? Try to ruin my life just because you're not happy with how good my life is not an option to make yourself happy, I promise you'll be worse! Think of spider, ant & bee; I may look easy to be crushed but please doubt the fragility."

[SIREN
Aku hanya ingin bahagia dengan apa yang ku lakukan & jika kau tidak bahagia kerana itu, maka sila bantu dirimu sendiri & keluar! Setahu aku, kau perlukan bantuan & aku perlu laksanakan tugasku, jadi apa kesimpulannya? Cuba menghancurkan hidupku hanya kerana kau tidak bahagia dengan caraku bukan caramu untuk bahagia, percayalah kau pasti merana! Fikirkan lelabah, semut & lebah; aku mungkin kelihatan senang dipijak namun sila ragui kerapuhan itu."]

REGIME

"I recall that a common piece of advice was to restrain oneself from excessive knowledge. Knowledge leads to unhappiness & makes people permanently dissatisfied. I eventually came to realize that the origin of such poisonous belief was some people's desire to have others fall into their power."

"Saya teringat pada satu nasihat yang menahan seseorang daripada ilmu yang berlebihan. Ilmu membawa kepada kesedihan & membuat orang tidak berpuas hati selamanya. Saya akhirnya menyedari bahawa asal-usul kepercayaan beracun itu adalah keinginan sesetengah orang untuk melihat orang lain jatuh ke dalam kuasa mereka."

— Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy)

IN THE MIND OF A COMIC ARTIST

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The genesis of Edward Cullen in 'Cinta Tunggal'

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