"It's only through writing that I've ever been able to suppress life's personal disappointments. When I can't write I feel anxious and out of sorts and am easily riled, though I'm usually able to control my emotions..."
- Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy: A Memoir)
["Hanya dengan menulis aku mampu menekan segala kekecewaan peribadi hidup. Bila aku tidak menulis, aku merasa cemas & tidak keruan serta mudah gusar, walau selalunya aku bisa mengawal emosiku..."]

Sunday, May 9, 2010


"His mother is dead; who else he has in this world except himself. He even avoided his relatives. This is the right moment! Always a person who suddenly in a total loss of someone he mostly dear & trust with his life, that person is totally clueless to move on. Right now, he's looking for a moral & financial support to continue living. Especially when he has everything we need while he has nothing. Let’s give it to him, let’s lure him to our dungeon so he can be in our command forever!"

Does that dialogue sounds familiar to you? Well, not exactly the same but this is what happen when you thought you know and own everything in your circle of life by playing God. The truth is you’re just like any other human beings who trap in their own pride and prejudice.

The fact is you're not God and you know nothing of what really happen behind your back unless you turn to see it for yourself. Same goes when you're judging friends all around you, not everyone is saying what they really are.

“Maybe you’re speaking from your experience of judging others but you’ll never know maybe they’ve already surpass it when you are about to share the similarity.”

Now hold on a second, before you make any assumption of what I am writing about. This has nothing to do with my decision to resign from being Chief Editor of GEMPAK STARZ™ or anything related to my career propaganda made by rumors. I am writing about human connection here and yes it does relate to people at work, but it has nothing to do with my decision to resign (sooner or later it will happen so it happen now).

The point that I am trying to stress here is about certain people behavior that has been blinded by their own heart and mind toward someone else they’ve known for so long. By all means, their over judgment has misled their own faith until what’s craving in them now is holding on to their last drop of dignity. I have no doubt anyone who read this and tend to see it as crappy issue has just fit them in this category.

Pretend like you know nothing of what I am talking about and came out with a reply “Really?!”, tomorrow when you wake up in the morning tell me if you can find traces of truth in your face.

Remember, I am not interested to be a part of your emotional game when you are not interested in mine. Lately my victory is not about making decision to resign from the editorial department, but overcome my heart that was painfully yearned for a love I didn’t again expected when I first fall in love many years ago. Best part, the love is still there but it’s not my pain anymore.

“Because your biggest challenge in life is not about you knowing others so well to own their heart, it is about how well you know your own heart to start knowing others.”

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