"It's only through writing that I've ever been able to suppress life's personal disappointments. When I can't write I feel anxious and out of sorts and am easily riled, though I'm usually able to control my emotions..."
- Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy: A Memoir)
["Hanya dengan menulis aku mampu menekan segala kekecewaan peribadi hidup. Bila aku tidak menulis, aku merasa cemas & tidak keruan serta mudah gusar, walau selalunya aku bisa mengawal emosiku..."]

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The genesis of Edward Cullen in 'Cinta Tunggal'

Lets just say Edward Cullen is just a fiction in the book of 'Twilight', a handsome vampire that act awkwardly when fall in love. But such personality of Edward Cullen is not fiction... they really exist & one of them did fell in love with me... happened to be the first man I ever fell in love with...

Hi readers,

My name is Siti Aishah & as I wrote this letter to you, obviously I wrote this from inside my grave. I hope my son, Nizam will read this too & my former husband, Yan will read it too. But mostly, I hope the man who made me suffered in love during my lifetime will read this letter carefully (though I know how you suck in English! Not sure right now... but I know if you can speak Mandarin, no big deal for you to study English).

I was given a novel of 'Twilight' to spend my boring days in grave. As I read through the story line, I found out this Edward Cullen really had so much similarity when I first knew Nizam, my first love... the man I first fell in love at first sight & forever will be my love till the end of my life (proven!)... though I had to marry another guy just because he was so stupid & acted cold like Edward Cullen.

"So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I've never seen him act like that."

— Mike ('Twilight' the novel)

Funny, this part really did happened when I first knew Nizam. I mean not stabbed him with a pencil, but I did accidentally stabbed him with something? Was it a pencil?! I forgot... but when his eyes poked my heart with love at first sight, I was deadly confused! I was young and that love really staggered me good! So, I tried so hard to refuse a thought that he was in love with me too. So I turned to become cold toward him, but he never refused me. It took him a year to convince me that his life was all about me from the first time our eyes met... prove? It was in the letters he wrote to me, pasted in a diary I kept in a box in a cabinet at home.

So where's the Edward Cullen ideology about this man called Nizam? As we became wiser, he became threatened by my upgrading life, especially in education. Since then, he started to feel insecure when we were apart. That was when the wreckage began, where he kept missing away from my life and always in denial to convince me his love to me just because his life is so less fascinated than mine. All he did was placed me in a better place but I kept ran away from the safe place just to be with him. Until one day he said...

"Your place is not with me, I'm not good enough to be with you. I'm afraid one day bad guys will come after your beauty & I'm not there to protect you... go, be at your right place, the place I know you will always be safe!"

Isn't that Edward Cullen? Sadly, in the end he really got what he wished for. I'm at the safest place now... in my own grave. While he's up there, alive, pretends (guess not!) to happily married a lady I ordered him to marry. Did I ordered him? Forgot also...

We lovers... always act stupid just to be clever, aren't we? Look what happened. Ceh! Edward Cullen... such a beautiful disaster! But no matter what, he's forever the man of my life... till at my last breath on earth, he's always the man I'm truly in love without doubt, without convince, without smart... yet, were we meant for each other? Obviously, separately...

Sincerely from the dead
Allahyarhamha' Siti Aishah

No comments: