"It's only through writing that I've ever been able to suppress life's personal disappointments. When I can't write I feel anxious and out of sorts and am easily riled, though I'm usually able to control my emotions..."
- Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy: A Memoir)
["Hanya dengan menulis aku mampu menekan segala kekecewaan peribadi hidup. Bila aku tidak menulis, aku merasa cemas & tidak keruan serta mudah gusar, walau selalunya aku bisa mengawal emosiku..."]

Saturday, February 14, 2015

LIFE AT 40; DREAM CAME TRUE!

{P/S; I've already turned 40 on 1st/2nd Safar 1436 (24th November 2014), but today is the common date of my birth as certified with Gregorian Calendar.}

Since I was a little kid, I have instilled a dream to myself that I want to be at the age of 40. Grew up with a single mother who happened to show me a lot of adult's depression, I tend to think deeper as a kid. I realized how fragile is human when trapped in the common zone of human tradition. Descendant by, we kept creating more heartbreaks and indulged in war zone of morality. Most rather be in repetition of cycle to fulfill their human nature, so to speak, the balance life of human being; good and bad.

Not everyone's dream of growing up so fast, right? But I'm not that everyone. I've been an old man since I was a little kid, enjoyed the company of elderly and love having grown-ups conversations. I always love the heavy issues of human psychology and problem of humanity which I tend to have them mild through my storytelling, of comic making (drawing+writing).

As I led through the process of growing up, every time I've made the worst mistake of my life, I imagined that moment when I turn 40. Now, I'm already 40 and the dream came true, alhamdulillah!
 
Through the journey of reaching 40, there were times I did wonder why this is me? Why am I programmed this way? Why I had to be born in the family and raised by a single parent? Why I cannot fix myself to be like anyone else and be in the common ground? Why this is my mindset which I rather die than taking orders I can't fit?! Astaghafirullah... forgive me ya Allah, since then I admit this is the destiny You've made of me and will not struggle anymore to be ordinary.

But a few years back before I reach this age, after my mother passed away, I realized a point. Life is common, but an individual is not. In order to make life ordinary, it needs variety. Thus my existence has add up to such variety. Despite of what others have said or wish for me, yet at some point of my life, I'm not what they've said or wonder. 

Now at 40, I knew what it felt like to really alive. Despite of all the problems I've created, Allah s.w.t. has given me a chance to keep on breathing so I can fix all the problems I've created to zero... insha-Allah. 

My logic is a gift from Allah, so does my imagination. When others have grown into desire of wanting what everybody wants, I on different level just want to be me and be happy with my own mind and feeling. 

Last but not least, age is just numbers. But without me being young once with such an ambition and reached it, I won't be taken as who I'm today by anyone. I'm glad I've made it through. Although maybe not as successful as those I've inspired or challenged, but I'm happy my existence has pushed some of them to be better. 

But to be older is not meant I have to stop my dream and give ways to the young people. That will be illogical! As the elder, my job now is to encourage my young generation to keep fighting for their best. I have to show them the practise, guide and show them how. If I stop, than none will see. It is not my style to just give orders, instead I have to play along so they can feel safe with us grown-ups around. Also at the same time, got inspired and challenged by their old man. 

Now my dream of being 40 has been fulfilled, my next dream would be... 

*UNDER CONSTRUCTION*

4 comments:

Ovi said...

I can't express how much this posting has motivated me, but I guess showing you my gratitude and respect is worth to try. I'm not gonna preach about "keeping up the optimism and carrying on" to you, I believe you're the expert after all that you've been through since your childhood. But, Sir, you've just got a die-hard fan from Indonesia! YOU ARE AMAZING!

Fakhrul Anour said...

Thank you so much, Ovi... you are amazing too!✨^_^ We're all an expert of our own life experience, and I share what I know of mine. Glad you are motivated, and I'm motivated by your kindness. Thank you again... ^_^

Nishaa 2001 said...

Hi..I m a student from SMK Ketari...I get a good motivation from you and your drawings. Thank you very much...And please give more and more SOOOPERB drawings like this...thank u once again...!!

Fakhrul Anour said...

Thank you Nishaa... ok, I will try my best to provide more drawing. ^_^