"It's only through writing that I've ever been able to suppress life's personal disappointments. When I can't write I feel anxious and out of sorts and am easily riled, though I'm usually able to control my emotions..."
- Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy: A Memoir)
["Hanya dengan menulis aku mampu menekan segala kekecewaan peribadi hidup. Bila aku tidak menulis, aku merasa cemas & tidak keruan serta mudah gusar, walau selalunya aku bisa mengawal emosiku..."]

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


It’s very funny when they are still looking at me like I’m such a proud type of guy with big ego & eager to show off my achievements to others. Though I’d been very humble for all those years in the industry, yet still they thought I’m a swank for being THE BEST.

Even now when I’ve already resigned from my so call ‘THE BEST’ position, these people still hang on to me with such ‘daring’ compliment. Sometimes it really gets into my nerve that makes me feel like I want to smack their face. I’m human too you know & I do have anger!

I really don’t mind if you're saying “You’re the best dude” & I can sense honesty in your tone, but sadly, they said ‘You’re the best dude” but the tone sounded like “As if!”. Seriously if you don’t really mean it, please don’t say it! or I'll be taking the same familiarity to your bastard attitude. At the end of the day, I’ll forgive but…

“They never forget that I’m still THE BEST to them.”

I’m not sure if these people really can change to be nice because most of them with this kind of attitude are older people; those whom we thought has considerably matured to tackle emotional matter like jealously, irritation & social misbehavior with rational but they are the…


Funny part is this so called ‘mature-minded’ beings will simply tend to do this to THE BEST people with envy. Responds usually get in my nerve at wreck are:

“Sorry, I don’t read your stuff!”
Again & again I met with these types of people who keep using the same dialogue, especially when I asked them to understand me by reading my material either on papers, blogs or whatever source related. At the beginning I was quite disturbed by such respond. But then it kept me wonder, how come they praised me to be THE BEST but they don’t follow my work? Are they pretend of knowing me just because somebody else think I'm THE BEST?!

Thing is:
No wonder they are irritated of me for being THE BEST, because they are being haunted by my achievements for the reason they don’t really understand. Maybe they wished they should have done that before me. Too bad!

“You think you’re so good?”
This respond came to me whenever I gave my suggestions, ideas or solutions in order to give the optimum ideas in the discussion. Funny part was I didn’t intend for them to really use what I gave to them because my purpose was to carry my responsibility for being invited as a part of the discussion. Because I don’t really go to any discussion if I’m not invited or even ask to attend (I rather be on my own!). So, what was these people problem?!

Thing is:
They are having issues with me who they thought is THE BEST which might cause a rack to their reputation as someone much older or should be considered mature than me. It’s like “Who’s the boss?! Me!” Thing is even James Cameron listen to the young in order to make a very successful movie of a life time such as ‘AVATAR’. Do you? I do! Because I play along & read their works always, do you? No, I believe you don’t & if you do, you should have not saying I’m THE BEST the other way around, dope! Plus, I don’t think you have the guts to read this journal’s every line with pleasure, right? My pleasure!

“Come on, don’t play nice okay!”
I maybe do silly & naughty jokes with my friends but I’m a nice person so I know my limit. I don’t simply call people bitch, bastard, pig etc. in public but personally I did though mostly never. More else this kind of respond usually I will get from people who try to rack me from being the best by digging my sexual activity. When I said “I don’t speak of my sexual intercourse in the office or during at work or even with my closest friends.” So they replied “Come on, we all grown up okay!” Then when I still refused so there went that dialogue right on my face!

Thing is:
Knowing me their BEST they also wonder if I’m also THE BEST on bed! But what they didn’t understand when I tend not to share such experience was because they’re not THE BEST to be with me on bed. So can’t they just understand that? D’oh! One more thing… maybe they are lack of perfect sex! Booo!

There are more exactly to this ‘IMMATURE TYPE OF MATURE’ but only the real mature knows what’s more than these. So my point is I’m not their BEST after all & I intend to keep myself that way for the people I don’t think is THE BEST in order for me to keep them at BEST. These people are the kind of people who meant to spice up our life as clowns dress up like normal people. They try not to be A JOKER but yet they hardly realize they already are; A JOKE!

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