"It's only through writing that I've ever been able to suppress life's personal disappointments. When I can't write I feel anxious and out of sorts and am easily riled, though I'm usually able to control my emotions..."["Hanya dengan menulis aku mampu menekan segala kekecewaan peribadi hidup. Bila aku tidak menulis, aku merasa cemas & tidak keruan serta mudah gusar, walau selalunya aku bisa mengawal emosiku..."]
- Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy: A Memoir)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
A SURROGATE PARENT
A friend asked me "Where have you been?!"
I answered "Are you kidding me? I'm still around... maybe I am the one who should ask you such question!"
He then said "You're not active in Facebook anymore. For me, that's the only place I can assure myself that you're still alive & kickin'!"
I smiled "Yeah... I get what you mean. You just want to say that I should start practice calling people for no reason, right?"
"Well... years knowing you, I don't think you'll do that unless..." He said followed by a wicked-wink.
"I'm stuck..." I continued.
"No... really attached!"
In a moment I kept myself silence.
"I'm a parent, with two baby daughters... I'm in love with them. I cry when I miss them, I rush to them when their daddy said one of them got fever & every time it was my turn to be their caretaker for the week... I got all excited." I confessed.
My friend almost got choke by surprise.
"You love possums, but being a caretaker? That's not you. If you got stuck with a baby for 24 hours, I knew you will took a well plan not to get caught up with another baby until your fear of 24 hours 'baby-freak' flushed away."
Hastily I stared him, with hate.
I awkwardly said "Surprise! I even postpone my plan to migrate just to ensure I can build a perfect future for my babies."
"Your babies?! Babe! I think you should get married & raise your own kids!"
In a moment I wanted to smack my friend but I didn't. Instead I calmly told him "Look... lets stop talking about my own sperm here to be mix with a lady's ovum to cultivate my own kids. My fate so far doesn't work that way, ok. I've told ya... these baby girls need me more than my own."
"Err... tell me, do you have anything to do with their parent?"
"I'm in love with their daddy!"
"What?!!! You're so gay!"
"So what? We've been best friend since 1996... he adored me, hurt by me, he stumbled for years because of me than... I didn't care! We never had sex, we never kissed but we're meant to be together. Now I know why..."
"How about their mother?"
"Divorced, but I'm their mommy's best friend too... just friend."
"So now you're like the daddy's new lover?"
I chuckled "You're so slow! I've been his lover before they even got married, you dork! Just not sexually... anyway he has a fiance now & I like her too... as friend."
My friend got confused "You know what, you really have a weird taste on girls."
"Emotionally... not sexually." I rephrased him.
"Sometimes I think you're really not a human. I knew, even most men who knows you do have intention to crush you on bed but..."
"Shut the f***ing thought, troll! We're not talking about me here... it's about my baby girls! I'm in love with them."
We kept in silence for a while.
He sighed & said "I thought you are in love with someone... new? The one that makes your creativity goes over the top?"
"Still..." I replied.
"So... ?" He asked.
"Guess what, I'm glad that I'm the only one who is in love... if not, I might not have this decision to be devoted with my baby girls."
"Lets waste that love... if I have something, I'll give it, but my daughters come first to fulfill."
"Hmm... you make sense there."
"How about the daddy?"
"Ooo... I have big plan for him. I want him to have most part of my share!"
"No... you DIDN'T!"
"I do... I want my daughters to be proud of their real daddy."
"I thought you want to be their daddy?"
"Nope... I'm their beloved uncle. I don't want them to lost touch with their daddy."
"How about their mommy?"
This time I really want to smack my friend but still... I didn't.
"You sure have half brain, don't you? How can I surpass their mother, I don't have boobs you a**hole!"
He giggled then continued by saying "Bro... stay in love with the one who brought back your old self, please. No matter what, don't let go. You'll need that love even now you're attached with this family as a 'surrogate parent'..."
I smiled decently hearing him said such word. I agreed no less, he's right.
"I won't let go but... I won't hope either." I said.
"As you always do... " He said.
We smiled to each other before we set apart as the next day he got 'killed'... by a fortune machine.