"It's only through writing that I've ever been able to suppress life's personal disappointments. When I can't write I feel anxious and out of sorts and am easily riled, though I'm usually able to control my emotions..."
- Pramoedya Ananta Toer (The Mute's Soliloquy: A Memoir)
["Hanya dengan menulis aku mampu menekan segala kekecewaan peribadi hidup. Bila aku tidak menulis, aku merasa cemas & tidak keruan serta mudah gusar, walau selalunya aku bisa mengawal emosiku..."]

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Personally... today is a very special day to me. Not to anyone else but me alone... it's Blue Moon thing. I'm 35 years old & I'm what they called 'The Most Influential Youth', 'The Legend', 'The Icon' & 'The Most Inspirational Being' for the comic industry nowadays. Not that I don't appreciate it, but since my mother passed away, none of that mean a thing to me but I'll take those as compliments that will be forgotten one day, I assumed. It's like complimentary passes! Passed...

So seems today is my special day, the full moon thing has make the cosmic power urged my heart to not miss anyone at all or deeply in love... it started yesterday & got even more convinced by a friend who said "Will you please stop thinking about someone who never thought of you? You're pathetic!" Guess what? I believe him, I'm pathetic but yet being pathetic was what made me all 'The..." in the industry. But again, I won't give up on this feeling but I will give up missing the person. Remembrance? As long I'm not amnesic, yes, looking at the photos will make me smile again or otherwise.

But once again, You'll never know! Just like Gillian Owens in 'Practical Magic'... I'm not so lucky with love. Though I thought I did like what Sally Owens did, made a wish for a true lover by making petals flew in the wind straight to the sky up to the blue moon. I thought it came true when exactly I've already had it at the age 13! Or maybe I'm exactly Julianne Porter in 'My Best Friend's Wedding' who in the end have to accept, my best friend is no more than that. Heh... girls thang! O-Wait!!! I'm a boy... I forgot, but you know what? As I said... You'll never know. Stupidity has become the brilliant upbringing for most of us today when it comes to love.

So... today I went off for a jog & as usual my MP3 player is a must. Today I had a new collection of songs, the 80s I picked up from my brother's mini laptop. So I jog, the collection was great & I enjoyed my long run until at a point I broke to tears when this song came next to my ears, 'Careless Whisper' by brother-gay, George Michael. The song damn hit me good! To good that I didn't realized I'm in the middle of public area. Thank God it happened at a hidden area up the hill where I saw pigs & monkeys everywhere (but not today).

My point is... fellows, you don't know what hit you until it hits you bad. So I had my run, I stumbled, fell deep, broke down to tears & what can I say... I just walked after that. Being pointless, still in love yet nothing but... 'Hopelessly In Love' by Olivia Newton-John.

So what's next? I just want to run again & listen to more love songs but next time I will try to shack (exactly... shake! Ouch!) hands with strangers without looking in the eyes... I should look between his/her eyes. Heh... That will make me look funny isn't it? But I guess it is far better than looking good to get hit by a car, right? I say right...

So lets listen to 'That's My Goal' by Shayne Ward, that will make me success tomorrow... Get up now fellas! Run for your life!!! ^_^

Truth is I'm still in love but I just don't care what others said. Only that, once a while... your heart will cries hard for the one you love. Why I need the most when you can make the most out of me... though you don't care... so do I care?! All I care is I'm fit for my work... ciao! Do I look depress? No! ^_^

P/S: So what with all those pictures? Mmm... I look fine, right? Honestly, I did cry but you know, why share sadness in photos. If we can hide our feeling, so does the photos. That's how celebrities do it... *wink*


Huda said...

Keep running, but make sure you're running towards a better future. Not just simply running away from the past. History is a good way to remember but it's not wrong to forget if it's something that urges us to feel more depressed. Sometimes it's best to not remember at all but at most of the time, its best to recall the situation because it teaches you to be even stronger and wise. Painful but thoughtful and meaningful. Keep going on bro Ayour! We know you're a lot more than what you think you are now. ^^ Change is never a bad thing because every man has their own mistakes and we learn something new everyday. Wallahualam.
P/S: Sometimes we have to let our feelings out rather than striding on its own. Crying is never a bad thing. Especially when remembering our love ones. Al-Fatihah to your beloved mother. ^^

Fakhrul 'Ayour' Anour said...

Huda: may Allah bless U for every second of your life & I'm seriously honored with your words of advice to me that also shared by others who read this blog. U're definitely has it... a unique strength. Though TQ is not enough... yet TQ is the least I can say to U... ^_^

Huda said...

I say, I should be the one showing gratitude to you. Thank you to you bro Ayour! And your token of gratitude saying TQ to me is more than enough to me. AMIN! Such praises for mere words I've shared doesn't belong to me, but Allah for inspiring me to say such things. Huhu. As long as we can all be better together. ^^ We can't be perfect, but at least we can try practicing it and help others achieve it along, as it will make us satisfy and learn to be better too. :)
P/S: I miss my grandparents too. It made me realize that I'm not the only one down with the sadness. But the whole world has even worst gloomy days and stories than I do. But it sure is not wrong to be sad whenever remembering back the good old times spent together with our long gone loved ones. Al-fatihah to them too~ But life must go on at any rate. Make the best of it while you still can. Continue our humble ancestors legacy.

Fakhrul 'Ayour' Anour said...

Huda:... TQ so much. ^_^

Huda said...

Your Welcome again~ ^^