THROUGH THE LENS OF A WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER

Many years ago I was photographed as a 'runaway' model for a photography student during my degree years that accidently caught me (for not more than three months) in our local modelling industry. It was not a career I happened to like (... & I was not quite a 'sale' to my agency too! :P), but the experience at catwalk & photoshoot, I treasure it until today. Being a model (especially supermodel!), seriously not an easy job. The worse moment when you happened to work under a pain-in-the-ass photographer. I respect those who sustain their capability like forever! Yet I'm happy that I used to be taught how to play my mood on lens. So when a professional photographer suddenly approached me with his 'baby', I immediately striked a pose!

At 36 years old, put on weight, a few weeks off the beauty regime (lazy...), I consider my natural look does gave an advantage to the photographer. Haha! You can reach the photographer on Facebook.  

His name is Faris Zainal, a professional wedding photographer & he happens to be my neighbour. Soon to be a father, we first met on our neighbourhood's volleyball field. None of us knew each other's background until we slowly developed our social interaction as neighbours. As he found out I'm an icon for the Malaysia Comic Industry & I happened to realize he does have a great talent in photography, without doubt, being photographed by him is surely an honor to me.

As he is on plan to go fulltime as a professional photographer, with his Lumix GF1 & its lightbox, he caught me natural on lens & my face purely 'naked'! I mean... really 'sharp' on Friday The 13th or say... I need to start doing facial again. Haha!

AKAR FIKIRANMU

Demam panas Lusida tetap tidak pulih semenjak blog itu tidak dikemas-kini lebih seminggu lalu. Penulis blog tersebut yang menggelar dirinya 'Akar' tidak pernah gagal mengemas-kini blognya hampir setiap hari, paling lewat pun tiga hari. Namun lebih daripada tiga hari membuatkan hidup Lusida tidak keruan. Dia mungkin tidak kenal identiti sebenar Akar, namun hidup Lusida menjadi begitu bermakna semenjak wujudnya blog berjudul 'Akar Fikiranmu' itu. Setiap catatan Akar menjadikan hidup Lusida lebih bererti dan seolah Akar sudah menjadi sebahagian daripada fikirannya.

"Lusida, kau tak boleh terus begini. Aku kena bawa kau pulang kepada orang tuamu sebelum kesihatanmu semakin melarat." Ujar Nasua, teman sekolej juga sekuliahnya di fakulti sains pusat pengajian tinggi Universita Malaya Timur.

"Tidak! Aku akan terus berada di sini sehingga dia kembali mengemas-kini blognya!" Bantah Lusida sambil matanya sesekali memandang ke skrin monitor HD 21" jenama Lenovo yang kekal memaparkan laman blog 'Akar Fikiranmu'.

Nasua mendengus geram setiap kali melihat laman web tersebut. Sungguh tidak masuk akal bagaimana Lusida boleh menjadi begitu taksub dengan blog itu. Siapa Akar sebenarnya? Itu Nasua tidak pasti dan semestinya tidak langsung dikenali.

"Kenapa dia tak update blog dia lagi ya, Nasua?" Tanya Lusida sesekali terbatuk lemah.

"Ada aku peduli?! Aku lebih pedulikan mental kau ni! Pelik aku tengok ketaksuban kau dengan laman blog berpuaka Akar tu! Boleh kau jelaskan kenapa?!"

Lusida terdiam seketika. Tanpa banyak bicara dia segera menyeluk bawah bantal dan menghulurkan sekeping kertas berupa sekeping flyer.

"Flyer ini terselit dalam salah satu buku kuliahku setahun yang lalu. Kemudian aku cari maklumatnya di internet dan terus bersemuka dengan laman blognya. Semenjak itu, mengikuti setiap update-nya seolah sebahagian daripada hidupku, fikirannya adalah akar hidupku kini... "

"Kau memang dah mental-lah, Lusida! Elok aku hantar kau ke hospital sakit jiwa jer!" Bentak Nasua lantas meninggalkan rakannya itu sendirian melayan gilanya sendiri.

LOVE LIKE A GHOST

It took only a second...
That was all it takes for you to haunt me!

It took only a minute...
I've already scared for the rest of my life!

It took only an hour...
I just couldn't get you out of my mind forever!

It took only a day...
Not sure if I missed myself but I'm sure miss you!

It took only a month...
You're everywhere at every corner of my eyes!

It took only a year...
Life has become unreasonable with you in my mind but not at my side!

It takes me forever...
To get you into my life for real when you're just like a ghost who tries to claim something you seem just can't reach unless my soul you seek.

Therefore...
I don't mind being dead for knowing, that in the end, we're just another ghost story if that is all it takes for me to get you into my life for real! 

THIS IS MY STORY... IN ENGLISH

Saya juga asalnya budak kampung, dikelilingi oleh mereka yang langsung tidak pandai berbahasa Inggeris. Namun kerana iltizam saya ketika itu melihat bahasa Inggeris mampu membawa saya pergi jauh maka saya berusaha untuk menguasainya. Dengan berkat usaha serta tawakal, terbukti ia benar. Hari ini saya sudah boleh berpuashati setelah mengecapi apa yang saya rancangkan untuk diri sendiri sepanjang tempoh saya berkhidmat dalam Industri Komik Malaysia. Dengan fasih berbahasa Inggeris, saya telah diberi peluang mewakili Malaysia. Kerana mampu menulis dalam bahasa Inggeris saya telah diberi kepercayaan menulis artikel kebudayaan komik di Malaysia untuk negara Korea Selatan. Kebolehan berkomunikasi dalam bahasa Inggeris juga menjadi punca saya diberi kepercayaan oleh majikan untuk menjadi perantara dalam urusan rasmi mereka. Malah kerana bahasa Inggeris juga, kemahiran saya dalam penulisan bahasa Melayu bertambah baik. Jadi apa kaitannya dengan visual yang saya tunjukkan di sini? So this is my story...

My point is simple, never discriminate languages. If English is the world first language, take the chance & learn from it. Don't fool yourself, I know that you can never forget your own (mother tongue) language (unless your ego does!), but who knows you may well expand it for the world to listen & understand what is 'Terima Kasih'! Just like how you might never know maybe English can really make me what the video visualize of me once we reach year 2020. It doesn't cost a penny just by dreaming you know. So be it!

EMAK MENULIS NAMAKU... YOUR.

Ayour adalah nama komersilku dalam bidang penulisan & semenjak menjadi seorang penulis profesional, tiada siapa rakan baruku di Kuala Lumpur lali dengan nama panggilanku yang sebenar semenjak kecil. Malah ada yang menyebutnya salah, juga ada yang menulisnya dengan salah. Biarpun arwah emak bukan seorang yang fasih berbahasa Inggeris, apatah lagi menulis dalam bahasa tersebut, namun beliau tidak gagal menulis nama panggilanku dengan betul biarpun disaat-saat akhir kehidupannya. Kerana itulah nama panggilan yang akan menjadikan diriku selain nama yang tertulis di dalam surat beranak...

Emak bilang aku sendiri yang menggelarkan diriku YOUR semenjak mula pandai berkata-kata. Dari mana aku dapat idea untuk memanggil diri dengan nama YOUR dan ditulis sedemikian rupa, emak sendiri tidak pasti. Namun... YOUR atau AYOUR, keduanya nama panggilan yang kekal istimewa buat diri ini, seistimewanya namaku sebagai FAKHRUL ANOUR.

YOUR... 

AYOUR... 

FAKHRUL ANOUR... 

diriku seadanya!

LOVE MYSELF THE BEST DEAL

a friend now from far distance once told me...

You know, you are an achiever. No matter how deep you fell, and how many time I saw you fell, until today I can only see you rise and achieve. Even now, most of us think you're a failure for having so much plan, yet none of us believe what we are saying about you as a failure is true. You know why? Because whenever we think of what you have done so far and so true, is real!

You hated school, you hated boarding school! You hated all the rules at school until you were depressed that you had to succumb with it. You hated the social lifestyle at school, you said it was so childish! Funny how you hated all of that but still you made a lot friends and everybody loves you. Even what is so surprise about you.... you're a degree holder.

I never imagine you as a sport man. I never thought of you as being tough, a track runner or even a strong spiker of volleyball. I remember how you complaint about those coaches who believed you could be at the first spot in sports when you yourself didn't believe your own power. You said you hated them for believing in what you didn't believe. You hated sports and its rules yet you followed, became the vice president of a sport association and here I'm looking at a sporty guy... still looks young and healthy. Now I can imagine why everytime you play at the court with new friends, none of them believe you're sporty until you proved them wrong, because you're sporty for yourself, right?

I never believe you can make people believe you could represent school or campus or Malaysia in anything, but you did. You even made your employers proud of having you and funny how to say this... you even represent Malaysia to talk about the subject you love so much, comic in culture growth to 13 delegates of Asian countries. I heard you even got invited to their countries to talk about your subject but you hate flying, you hate to confirm the fact that you hated to stand at the podium standing like a politician. I know how much you hated looking at the crowd, to the people who are listening to you and wonder maybe one or two of them had a point to use you for their own personal profit while taking you for granted. I know how you hate people's perception can do wrong to what's so right about you.

You hate love affair but funny how you had so much experience with it yet you've become stronger at every heartbreak.

Why are you still doing what you hate of doing?

So I answered him this...

"To do what I love doing, I have to be at any situation I don't like. I love drawing comics and I love writing stories about life, my dream is only these two, those talents are my life. Where in this world can I be at a place I like? Except if I can be with my talents. So if holding a degree can make me wiser with my talents, I have to do it. If being active in sports can make me brighter with my talents, why waste it. If sharing with others about my talents can do them good, why should I shy away about it. If love is what makes me loyal to my talents, why bother for being heartbroken? My point is simple, to hate everything is to love one thing... myself. Sounds selfish? Well, that's how I love everything instead of hate."

MENJEJAK VILLA DI TAPAK KAYANGAN...

::: Juma'at (08/04/2011 | 04/05/1432)

Hari ini aku mendapat 'jemputan khas' daripada seorang teman untuk berkunjung ke sebuah banglo yang belum pernah siap di Seksyen 12, Shah Alam. Selebihnya biarku ringkaskan begini...


Ketika kami mencari jalan untuk menyelinap masuk ke dalam banglo ini, tiba-tiba aku ternampak seorang pekerja sedang membersihkan banglo tersebut di tingkat atas. Temanku terfikir juga untuk meminta izin daripada pekerja itu namun dia kaget untuk berhenti di pintu pagar utama. Lalu kami mencari jalan alternatif dengan melalui pintu belakang, namun tidak kesampaian.

Justeru aku mengesyorkan kami kembali ke pintu pagar utama dan meminta izin untuk masuk daripada pekerja tersebut.


Nasibku sangat baik kerana saat aku berdiri di hadapan pintu pagar utama, pekerja tersebut sedang duduk berehat betul-betul di hadapan rumah itu. Aku pun segera bertanya "Boleh kami minta izin untuk menjenguk masuk?"

"Maaf saya baru kerja... tidak tahu!" Pekerja itu menjawab.

Jelaslah daripada tutur katanya, penguasaannya dalam Bahasa Melayu sangat terhad kerana dia pekerja asing.

Namun aku tidak berputus asa kerana jelas ada mangga di pagar pintu itu, maka aku menduga perlu ada kunci untuk membukanya. Jadi bagaimana pekerja ini boleh masuk sedangkan kami tidak? Pasti kunci mangganya berada di tangan pekerja itu. Jika bukan, dimanakah tuan kuncinya?

Aku terus bertanya lagi "Kalau boleh, benarkan kami masuk untuk lihat-lihat? Mana teman kamu?"

Pekerja asing itu hanya mengangkat bahu dan berkata dengan senyuman kosong "Saya sendiri."

Saat itu aku dengan selamba menarik pintu pagar utama tersebut dan tidak semena-mena ia terbuka. Walhal ku sangka ia masih bermangga. Penuh rasa teruja, terus aku berpaling dan memberi senyuman kepada temanku yang masih di dalam kereta.

"Ok, I parking kereta dulu." Kata temanku kelihatan juga teruja.

Aku tanpa menunggu temanku, terus masuk ke ruang laman banglo tersebut dengan yakin.

"Kamu kerja membersihkan laman inikah?" Tanyaku kepada pekerja itu sambil menunjuk kepada perkakasan mesin menyabitnya di sebalik tembok banglo.

Pekerja asing itu mengangguk sambil tersenyum, aku membalas tersenyum.

Tanpa lengah aku segera melangkah masuk ke dalam banglo tersebut, seperti seorang tetamu yang memang diundang atau kehadiranku seolah sudah dijangka. Pekerja itu langsung tidak menegahku!

Sendirian aku menyelusuri 'istana' yang tidak siap itu. Aku terus menaiki tangga utamanya yang berbentuk separa spiral. Melihat ke setiap ruang, menjenguk ke setiap sudut seolah suatu hari nanti aku akan memiliki banglo ini!

"Verangan!" hatiku berbisik mengingatkan.

"Ayour, U katner?!" Tiba-tiba temanku memanggil mencariku.

"I kat atas ni. Naiklah!" Aku laung menjawab.

Aku terus merayap menikmati setiap ruang banglo itu seolah ia sudah kelihatan lengkap. Namun temanku masih juga tidak kelihatan di depan mata.

"Ayour, where are you?!" Dia memanggil lagi.

Aku menghela nafas pendek sambil berkerut dahi. Tidakkah dia dengar jawapanku tadi?

"I kat tingkat atas nilah." Jawabku terus kembali menuruni tangga spiral tersebut mendapatkannya di tingkat bawah.

Separuh menuruni tangga tersebut, kelihatan temanku baru masuk ke dalam banglo sambil membawa sebuah kamera. Tanpa lengah, operasi kami merakamkan pengalaman ini pun bermula...

- : SEKIAN :-

FALSAFAH KECEWA

Pernah ada cinta dan pasti terus ada cinta
Namun apalah ertinya cinta jika kemesraannya tiada

Pernah ada benci namun tidak terus dibenci
Namun apalah ertinya benci jika sukanya tidak terperi

Jiwa yang terancam melambai harapan
Bila esok datang tetap bak bayangan
Kala impian terus kekal angan


Ketahuilah hati yang berkata cinta
Namun bibir tidak menuturkan kata
Kesudahannya perasaan bermain di mata
Ayat-ayat mulia kedengaran bak dusta
Kerana sudahnya impian yang melata
Bila hakikat menafikan itulah nista

Berpura-puralah pada dunia
Bila hati tidak lagi beria-ia
Bukan benci penapis bahagia
Kerana cinta ini hak ceria
Selamat tinggal manusia!

STATE OF LOYALTY

"I'm not the type of person who will do anything to convince my love or compete with another to own the one I love. Not that I'm arrogant but I'm a faithful person, so falling in love at first sight & verbally/written say we love each other is more than enough to have me for life. For faith without confess is a waste, like praying without intention!"

— 'Cinta Tunggal: Genesis'

DROP DEAD DIVA

Character drawing inspired by the TV series 'DROP DEAD DIVA'

Yo big size people! If you think being fat is heavy, so quit your burden with the extra weight. But if you're comfortable with your size, strike a pose & stop nagging!

Life is not about being uncomfortable in your own body, it's about fitting yourself with the right outfit, right crowd & right attitude! If you don't know how to do it just look in the mirror & say to yourself "I'll do what's right for me & be with people who think I'm right for them!".

Life provides you with so many choices & why waste your time being with the wrong choices by abandoning the right choices? No wonder you put up yourself feeling so wrong all the time! Need guide? Take my words, if people are so wrong to you, start looking for the books... that's why reading books is very important for your self-development. It feels like magic!

Well, no regret if what you think is right is consider wrong by the people you think is right. Get what I mean? What I'm trying to say is one day soon the people who think you're wrong, will reconsider once you prove them wrong. How to do that? Stay with the right attitude, be with the right crowd & wear only the right outfit. Anything less than the bikini, you won't be mistaken as a bitch!

All the best!